Silk Flowers – Silk Flowers

Silk Flowers

Do Goths ever do karaoke? If not, then they have here the blueprint for going about it. At time of writing I’ve already switched this album off twice as it’s so bad. If only it was my ex-colleague Phil singing as I first thought – at least I could take something positive from it and congratulate him on getting a deal. But no, instead it’s three blokes from New York who actually manage to describe what they do as “trance” on MySpace. A trance would be welcome to manage to get through the whole of the ten efforts on offer.

Could it all though be a big joke? As fake as the items Silk Flowers are named after? If so then I’m obviously missing what’s funny about out-of-tune Ian Curtis impressions over monotonous keyboard wanking. This is by far the worst album I’ve had to review this year – very glad I’m under no obligation to keep it after I’ve finished writing tonight.

I’m quite tempted at this point to shoehorn my ten best albums of the year so far into the review at this point so as to at least mention stuff I’d heartily recommend you buy, but I’ll play fair just now and soldier on through the entire release. Track five has just started and I’ve never got past this point before so we’re already breaking new ground. It’s depressing stuff though – sounds like the guy’s trapped in an iron lung someone else is using as a drum.

Mercifully, track six is the shortest one. Track seven actually sounds like it might be happy. Have I misjudged? Seems not – upbeat: yes, but also a pointless instrumental. That said, a break from the singing is welcome. Track eight got me thinking what would the Sesame Street songwriters come up with if they all got depression? Only two songs to go now!

There’s only one use for this album – clearing out crowds from a club or party. No one will stay once this comes on. I’m off to put my bins out as respite from the final seven minutes. I might also go for a walk around the block. In one word – AVOID!

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