Gay Against You – Righteous Signals
Gay Against You
When I opted to review this Gay Against You album I chose it because they had a funny name; well, there’s nothing funny about this Glasgow-based group. Not because they’re a deadly serious group who demand respect, but because listening to them is like being aurally violated by Keith Chegwin, painful and simultaneously the most annoying thing on the planet.
Calling Gay Against You bad is an insult to bad bands, I imagine a lot of bad bands listen to their songs after recording and say “Ah well, we could have done better”, but I imagine Gay Against You listened back to this and screamed in terror before collapsing to the floor, life draining from their bodies as they wonder what they unleashed on the world.
I always hoped if a record spelled the end of civilization it would be some kind of metal track, summoning the horsemen of the apocalypse, that kind of thing. Unfortunately it’ll actually happen with people destroying every form of technology in the hope that GAY (ooh, I like that their name when abbreviated still spells “gay”, that’s possibly the best thing they’ve ever done) will never, ever make “music” like this again.
The entire album is fairly samey; it sounds like two tone deaf drunks falling down a long flight of stairs, accompanied by a baby chimp clumsily operating a synthesizer and the whole thing being recorded using the worst equipment available. Actually, this is giving them a bit too much credit, baby chimps are cute, and people falling down the stairs probably sounds quite rhythmic.
The standout track, ‘Stranded in Jurassic Park’, gets my vote purely because it’s basically an overview of Jurassic Park. I like Jurassic Park, but this track is still terrible; the vocals are warbled, the synths clash, there’s no rhythm and it makes me die inside. Normally I’d compare a record to another band, but I’ve never actually heard anything this bad in my life, and I hope I never do.
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