Written by Jonathan Hopkins

.. was born, and made lots of irritating noises. He was moved through several schools in an attempt to provide him with some semblance of a decent education. His most hated period was attending an all boys' school, in which the success of the students was determined by their sporting prowess, of which he has none. It was at this point during his early teens that he happened upon a CD of The Pixies, thus turning him onto music thereafter. Hackneyed, 'music changed his life' clichés aside, he's previously enjoyed attempting to play guitars and drums in many unsuccessful, and badly named bands. He's enthusiastic on writers such as Ernest Hemingway, Edgar Allen Poe and Charles Bukowski, and while his heroes have had fond relationships with liquor and literature, he's found that effective scribbling follows abominable hangovers. While he adores music of all categories, he cannot tolerate the bongo drums. Finding the idea baffling that when contemplating taking up an instrument, any sane person would elect for bongos. For this reason, all bongo players are referred to as 'bongoists'. He's continually aspiring to subscribe to a life of vehement misanthropy and pessimism. A self confessed geek, he once attempted entering Robot Wars, but was rejected on the grounds that his robot was simply a nail gun, duct-taped to a skateboard.